“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

I love that quote. 

If you are one of those planners and your life that you are living is nothing like you have planned ......STOP! move on....and let it go. ACCEPT the life you are living. Walk your new life that you have been given with pride and joy. Never give up on your dreams. Fit your dreams in with you new life. There is always bigger and better things <3 

blogging

I've been bad at writing on this thing, but we had no internet and well trying to blog on your phone is not fun or easy. Ive decided not to just make this blogjust about Emery, but more about me and my family living life.......just having fun. so here is another go at this blogging thing. :)

BAD BLOGGER!

Yup! It has been a really REALLY long time since i have blogged. Alot has been going on. We celebrated Emerys 1st birthday, crawling, and She is now eating table food and doing AWSOME at it. I call her my little piggie...she seriously eats and wants EVERYTHING!. To see her reach all these milestones is just simply a blessing. I want to cry everytime she learns something new because i think back on what i was told and remember those feelings and thoughts i had that i would never get to see her do all these things. And here we are 1 year later........she is doing fantastic! so proud of my baby girl. Here are some of Emery's 1 year pictures.

*The wonderful Kimberly at TRUE EMOTIONS PHOTOGRAGHY donated her time and talet to capture this special moment for us*

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I don't know this family, or what happened to there little girl. But ever since i was little i have always felt like me and this family are connected in some way.

My grandma's spot is just across the way from this sweet baby girls place. How i stumbled across this head stone was at my grandmas burial......

I remember that day my mom and i decided to take a look at other head stones just before we left to head home. This was one of the stones we stopped to look at. At the time i think i was around 8 years old. I remember my mom saying " this one was just a baby"..... i couldn't understand how come a baby had died! I didn't understand how god allowed things like that to happen.

Ever since i came across this little girl......i can't help but still think about her. I hold her close to my hear..... because i know what it is like to almost lose a child. Every time i visit my grandmas place, i cross the way to visit this baby girl.

I wonder what happened to Melyssa......I wonder....

How her family is holding up since her passing. 

what kind of journey did her family live while she was here with them on earth. 

was she born with a heart defect? is that why i cant help but feel so close to her even though i don't know this baby or her family. 

Even though my daughter is living......she is still sick. She is living with a life threatening disease and i dont know what the future holds for her. 

I can't help but feel maybe god wants me to meet this family. Her B-day is coming up. I will be decorating her grave for her b-day. I am going to write her parents a little note with the flowers i will giving her. I hope Melyssa is watching over my daughter. I think this whole time god is just letting me know who my family's guardian Angel is.  :)

RIP SWEET ANGEL

I HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A BLAST WITH JESUS <3

Last night i decided to put Emery in her walker for the very first time. I love this walker. We got it for Layla *Emery's sister* and decided to save it for the next baby we had. 

As i put her in the walker.....i couldn't help myself but get really emotional. This moment meant so much to me. I started to remember back when i was 4 months pregnant with her and they had diagnosed her with CHD. I remember my mom, husband, and me went to my ultrasound they scheduled me in Los Angeles to confirm she did have a heart condition. after the ultrasound they sent us into this room and closed the door. there they had told us the bad news. I really couldn't believe it......i actually thought nothing would be wrong with Emery. I guess i was in denial about the whole thing still ......couldn't believe that this was happening to me and my husband. As they were telling us about her heart condition, drawing us pictures, giving us a percentage of kids that live after birth and how many die after the first surgery. My mind was racing with thoughts and i seriously couldn't breath. I couldn't help but feel this was all my fault. i felt guilty for wanting another child. because i wanted another child she has to go through this. One of the other thoughts that came to me was.......all the baby clothes i saved for this baby and the stroller.....the walker.....these things i was so excited to pull out for this baby. I remember coming home and looking at the crib that was still up just waiting for her to arrive. All these things i thought i would never get a chance to see this baby......MY EMERY in. So as i put her in that walker. I felt so blessed. blessed to be able to get this chance to put her in that walker and see her smile. So happy i have been blessed with 9 months with her and  many more to come. This moment i will cherish. I love her with all my heart<3

NEW POST

Were do i start........Emery has finally recovered from her heart surgery and my little heart warrior is back to her old self. After being in the hospital for 4 days she was doing so well they discharged us and we were able to go home with her. The first three weeks were hard. She was in pain, super fussy, and crying pretty much all the time. It was ruff for her and us but we got through it. She is seriously one tuff cookie. Recently she has had a ultrasound done and her cardiologist said he heart is functioning just like it should be. 

I have been neglecting my blog. So sorry. I am mostly busy keeping her facebook updated. Emery has the best facebook family EVER! We love all of them to pieces. I am so busy with making blankets for kids that are sick and who are in the hospital. Here are a few of blankets i have made

                                                                          BELLA

                       
                                                                       CAMDEN

                                     
                                                                        SAMUEL

I have a few i am working on at the moment. So this is why writing is the last thing on my mind. I will try and get better at it. 

Recently i have stopped to visit my grandmas grave. My oldest was at her grandmas house so i was able to stop by for a visit with Emery. She passed away when i was really young but her passing was hard on me. I miss her so much. I only hope that i she is looking down on me feeling proud of me. I broke down crying to her and had a good talk with her. I know she could hear me when i spoke to her. I know she is guiding me through all of this right next to god. <3 

RECOVERING

Emery had her Glenn procedure yesterday. She is doing so well in recovery. This morning when i walked into her room i noticed she was off the vent. Then they asked me if i wanted to try and feed her. So i did. They also informed me that tomorrow she will be going into another room which will be a step down from the nicu. YAY!   Right now they are talking out her central line. oh ya drainage tubes and pacemaker wire are all off. 

She is so strong. I'm so proud to be her mother.