Thursday, May 3, 2012


I don't know this family, or what happened to there little girl. But ever since i was little i have always felt like me and this family are connected in some way.
My grandma's spot is just across the way from this sweet baby girls place. How i stumbled across this head stone was at my grandmas burial......
I remember that day my mom and i decided to take a look at other head stones just before we left to head home. This was one of the stones we stopped to look at. At the time i think i was around 8 years old. I remember my mom saying " this one was just a baby"..... i couldn't understand how come a baby had died! I didn't understand how god allowed things like that to happen.
Ever since i came across this little girl......i can't help but still think about her. I hold her close to my hear..... because i know what it is like to almost lose a child. Every time i visit my grandmas place, i cross the way to visit this baby girl.
I wonder what happened to Melyssa......I wonder....
How her family is holding up since her passing. 
what kind of journey did her family live while she was here with them on earth. 
was she born with a heart defect? is that why i cant help but feel so close to her even though i don't know this baby or her family. 
Even though my daughter is living......she is still sick. She is living with a life threatening disease and i dont know what the future holds for her. 
I can't help but feel maybe god wants me to meet this family. Her B-day is coming up. I will be decorating her grave for her b-day. I am going to write her parents a little note with the flowers i will giving her. I hope Melyssa is watching over my daughter. I think this whole time god is just letting me know who my family's guardian Angel is.  :)


Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Last night i decided to put Emery in her walker for the very first time. I love this walker. We got it for Layla *Emery's sister* and decided to save it for the next baby we had. 

As i put her in the walker.....i couldn't help myself but get really emotional. This moment meant so much to me. I started to remember back when i was 4 months pregnant with her and they had diagnosed her with CHD. I remember my mom, husband, and me went to my ultrasound they scheduled me in Los Angeles to confirm she did have a heart condition. after the ultrasound they sent us into this room and closed the door. there they had told us the bad news. I really couldn't believe it......i actually thought nothing would be wrong with Emery. I guess i was in denial about the whole thing still ......couldn't believe that this was happening to me and my husband. As they were telling us about her heart condition, drawing us pictures, giving us a percentage of kids that live after birth and how many die after the first surgery. My mind was racing with thoughts and i seriously couldn't breath. I couldn't help but feel this was all my fault. i felt guilty for wanting another child. because i wanted another child she has to go through this. One of the other thoughts that came to me was.......all the baby clothes i saved for this baby and the stroller.....the walker.....these things i was so excited to pull out for this baby. I remember coming home and looking at the crib that was still up just waiting for her to arrive. All these things i thought i would never get a chance to see this baby......MY EMERY in. So as i put her in that walker. I felt so blessed. blessed to be able to get this chance to put her in that walker and see her smile. So happy i have been blessed with 9 months with her and  many more to come. This moment i will cherish. I love her with all my heart<3