Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Last night i decided to put Emery in her walker for the very first time. I love this walker. We got it for Layla *Emery's sister* and decided to save it for the next baby we had. 

As i put her in the walker.....i couldn't help myself but get really emotional. This moment meant so much to me. I started to remember back when i was 4 months pregnant with her and they had diagnosed her with CHD. I remember my mom, husband, and me went to my ultrasound they scheduled me in Los Angeles to confirm she did have a heart condition. after the ultrasound they sent us into this room and closed the door. there they had told us the bad news. I really couldn't believe it......i actually thought nothing would be wrong with Emery. I guess i was in denial about the whole thing still ......couldn't believe that this was happening to me and my husband. As they were telling us about her heart condition, drawing us pictures, giving us a percentage of kids that live after birth and how many die after the first surgery. My mind was racing with thoughts and i seriously couldn't breath. I couldn't help but feel this was all my fault. i felt guilty for wanting another child. because i wanted another child she has to go through this. One of the other thoughts that came to me was.......all the baby clothes i saved for this baby and the stroller.....the walker.....these things i was so excited to pull out for this baby. I remember coming home and looking at the crib that was still up just waiting for her to arrive. All these things i thought i would never get a chance to see this baby......MY EMERY in. So as i put her in that walker. I felt so blessed. blessed to be able to get this chance to put her in that walker and see her smile. So happy i have been blessed with 9 months with her and  many more to come. This moment i will cherish. I love her with all my heart<3

1 comment:

  1. Aww, what a sweet post! I'm glad you were able to experience that amazing moment!!