I should be getting it this week. Emery's heart surgery will be very soon. I don't think im ready for it. but weather i am or not ....its coming. I am going to be a complete mess. I freak out just thinking about it. i feel like i cant breath....my heart just drops. How am i going to go through another one of these? and even after this one.....there is still one more and i feel like im already dieing. I am trying to find ways to not think about it. I guess deep down i just really thought and was hoping i would have more time after the first surgery.
My daughter is so strong. I know she is and i know she is ready to fight this thing again. I.......I am not ready to see her fight for her life again......im not ready to see her sedated and not be able hear her voice and see her open her eyes for a week which seems like eternity. i hate having no control over this situation.