Sunday, October 9, 2011

whats been on my mind!

i must confess.
 Being pregnant with Emery was so not easy. Just knowing what was going on with her and knowing that there was nothing i could do to help her sucked....i just had to wait....wait until she was born to see what the outcome of her life was going to be. I was told by the doctor that most of these kids that had her heart defect don't live and if they did live it would be a very ruff road for her. They never gave me much hope for a positive outcome! so it left me always thinking about the "what if's, and the "why?"
IM SUCH A THINKER!That's just how i have always been..........
The worst feeling in the world is feeling as if you have no one. I had my husband to talk to about everything but he was going through the same emotional stages as i was. So i always kept quiet. Dont need to stress him out more.
 I just wish i had someone other then my husband to talk to. Another person who knows how it feels and understands what i am going through emotionally. I hid my real feelings inside most of the time. because when i do explain to family or friends how i am feeling or coping with things they never know what to say, or they always change the subject. I feel like im screaming at them for help from inside and its so obvious but they don't hear....I dont know maybe they need to clean there ears or something because i could hear the screams for help very clear and the screams of im dieing inside while giving them the look of cant you see!...if u cant hear cant u see on my face!.......but as i always do. i stop talking about everything and move on to the next subject because they obviously don't want to talk about this touchy subject. But this ...this is how it goes all the time. Every time i try and mention how i am feeling. I wish i just had someone to talk to about everything and them not feel uncomfortable.

thank goodness for blogs!at least i can vent and not be hushed up.

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