STRENGTH --- I don't have one inch of it in my body today. I woke up crying...no i wasn't just crying i was bawling my eyes out. I finally broke down. I must of been crying in my sleep because when i woke up tears were falling down and i was out of breath. I don't know what i was dreaming about. So i don't really know what triggered this feeling of weakness.
Yesterday me and my dad took Emery to her appointment in LA. We have started getting her ready for her Glenn surgery. She had an EKG and X-RAY done like i said.She had blood drawn from her because she was recently sick.Dr.Kallin said if anything showed up he would not do the surgery but most likely since it was weeks ago he doesn't think anything will show up so we don't have to worry. He had went through the procedure with us. He went through what a normal heart looks like and how it functions. Then he went on to explain what her heart looks like and how it functions. I sighed consent forms. We all laughed and said it was better this time around since i wasn't crying my eyes out. I was so strong through the whole thing. When i came home i had finally felt a sense of peace. I felt and knew everything was going to be okay. I even told myself "hey maybe this is going to be easy this time around" ..........BOY WAS I WRONG!
This isn't easy. Crying in my sleep and waking up to this feeling of weakness. This isn't going to be easy. How did i trick myself into thinking THIS WOULD BE EASY......Tricking myself into thinking I MIGHT.....be strong!
I AM SAD TODAY.
As the days get closer to Emery's surgery date..........i am feeling defeated once again. Im scared. Scared of the unknown. Having no control over this situation. I love my daughter so much. My heart hurts. I wish i could go through all of this for her...I seriously would do ANYTHING to go through all of this for her.
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ReplyDeleteI found Miss EMery's story on Facebook and it touched my heart. My nephew Jack also has HRHS and he went through the Glenn in November. I'm not going to lie and say everything went well, in fact they had to open he back up a week later and remove a blood clot and he had to have a cath done to balloon his pulmonary artery so he could get better blood flow. It always seemed when we would take one step forward we would go two steps back. Needless to say we were discouraged at times....BUT there was a light at the end of the tunnel and two weeks before Christmas the little squirt got to come home. Now he is growing like a weed and we have since started Physical Therapy (he suffered a stroke during the Norwood that affected his left side) each week the Physical Therapist is impressed on his progression which makes all of us cry tears of joy. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that their might be some dark days ahead but always remember to have Faith and God will lead you through it. Prayers from Nashville, Tennessee
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