Sunday, November 27, 2011


The funny thing about anxiety is sometimes it can hit you like a train. with me it does this all the time. As Emery's next heart surgery coming up with in the next month or so, im feeling very panicky. Sometimes im not even thinking about it, something just triggers my mind and i find myself gasping for air. its almost as if im downing. it makes my whole body go numb. That's as best as i can describe how I feel when i think of the surgery coming up. Anxiety is the worst feeling ever. and i hate it!.....i hate that emery has to stay in the hospital for two weeks or more how ever long it takes her to recover from it. I hate that my oldest daughter her world will be turned upside down for a month. I'm feeling sorry for her because every morning i tell her BABY EMMIE IS AWAKE! daughter runs to my room clapping her hands, with the happyest look on her face saying BABY!BABY! and this just breaks my heart wondering if she is going to get really upset that her baby is gone. How am i going to get through this next surgery?

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