She is such a funny lil girl!

This lil girl makes me crack up so much! she never leaves my side.Whenever she is sleeping near me she just loves to hold my hand. I cant imagine my life without her. When i try and go somewhere with out her she crys and makes me feel bad, so i always end up taking her with me. She is such a crazy lil butt! She will be 2 YEARS OLD in November....WOW! time has flown by so quick. I cant even look at her baby pictures because it make me so sad how fast she has grown. I am so excited to see what kind of person she will become....and what her dreams in life are going to be. I have always made a promise to myself that if i ever had kids i will always support them and be there for them 100%. I am already proud of the person that she has become. she is so smart and loves to share with other kiddos. she is a very loving person. always giving hugs and kisses. I LOVE HER SO MUCH!
So since she will be 2 years old it's really exciting planning a b-day party for her because first off she is able to walk, second off she will be able to open her own presents, and third she is going to be so much more excited about her b-day party this time around. So this makes me so much more excited to throw one for her. I am trying to choose what party theme she would love. She loves Thomas and friends, strawberry shortcake, and  yo gabba gabba. I'm going to see if she will be able to pick which one she wants herself but will see how that turns out.

oh baby! momma is so sad you are turning TWO but so very excited. I love you always and forever! MY LOVE!

2 month pictures

I HAD NO MAKE UP ON AND CHIPPED NAIL POLISH ON MY NAILS BUT THE LADY PROMISED ME I WOULD LOVE THIS PICTURE.......GUESS WHAT...I DID! DIDN'T EVEN SECOND GUESS MYSELF IF I SHOULD BUY IT OR NOT.  LOL

Need to get my routine going

Ismael*the hubby* will be going back to work on Monday Oct.3rd. He took a long family leave for the baby's arrival and her surgery. Hes been off work for about three months now. sheesh! where has the time gone?...i feel like we were just talking about how much time he was going to be taking off for the baby. He really has been such a good helper... i hate to admit it but i have been a bit lazy. Pretty much letting him do all the work hahaha BUT hey mamma needs a vacation too!. I really need to get back into my old routine again starting this week. I am kind of nervous to be taking care of two baby's. Ever since the baby has been born Layla has been wanting someone to play with her all the time. looks like ill be trying to figure out how to give Layla some time with mommy and Emery time with mommy. How hard could it be....right? well wish me luck!

Team Emery!

yesterday my uncle came to my home. He was asking me about Emery's surgery and how she is recovering. I also was telling him about how she was going to need two more heart surgery's before she turns three years old and whats funny is he asked me how i do it? how i get through it?...he also said he wouldn't know what to do if he had to see his child go through something like what emery has to go through. But you know what.....i started to think about the time i was pregnant with Emery after they told me what was wrong with her and the things what she will need to endure after she is born i found myself asking the same questions. How will i get through this?! how will i do this?! I don't know what to do...i felt like i would just die if i had to go through this and see my baby struggling! i guess someone doesn't really know how strong they are until they have no choice but to go through something like this. and you know what i look back *even though she will need two more surgery's* i look back and i am so proud of myself and proud of my baby. I'm proud that we are such a strong family. .....YEA I HAD LOTS OF MELT DOWNS, but we are strong! :) i know we can get through the next two just fine.

                                                    GO TEAM EMERY!

baby blues!

so sometimes i cant help but feel a little sad. Its like i get a rush of sadness come over me. idk why! ......i know i should be happy and feeling blessed that everything turned out good with lil Emery, but sometimes i just look at her while she is sleeping or when she looks at me smiling i find myself counting the months and days till her next surgery. i feel like we are on this time limit with her. i just want to know she is home for good and no more hospitals! Im really dreading her next surgery! i dont want to see her tubed and wired from head to toe....no one should have to see there baby struggling.

Sometimes i guess i just have to tell myself i will get through this. She is a lil tuff girl and can get through anything. I wish i was strong like her! i love you emery!

Dr. appointment

Monday Emery has a doctors appointment. I've got a couple of questions i need to ask him cause i have a couple concerns. Im so nervous about having a new doctor for Emerys check ups. I wish i could just take her to LA to see her doctor out there. But with her condition and her trying to recover still from the first surgery i understand why i cant. From were i live its a 2 hour drive with traffic. so hopefully i get a good vibe from this new cardiologist or else i will be making the 2 hour drive. wish us luck.

WANTED TO POST SOME PICTURES TODAY

 LITTLE EMERY

 LITTLE LAYLA

MOMMY,LAYLA,AND EMERY

Dear Grandma

I understand your getting older and i know what happens when someone becomes your age. I know your sick. I seen it in your eyes last night when i went to go visit you in the hospital. Everyone is not telling me how sick you are because they are worried it might stress me out more if i knew how bad it was. but no one has to tell me. I know its bad.......grandma i am not ready to say goodbye to you. Im afraid of missing you and not being able to see you again. Im sorry for being so selfish and not visiting you when i had time to go visit you. and im sorry i have never told you how much you mean to me. I hope you will get out of the hospital soon and go back to ur normal self feeling strong and walking. oh grandma I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

wiggle worm

so last night we stood the night at my mothers house. Emery was sleeping in her crib, me and my daughter Layla had slept on the bed that is next to the crib(boy let me tell you that girl Layla is such a wild sleeper), and my husband well we scooted him off the bed to my mothers couch. my sister came home from a night out and came home around 2am and woke us up saying Emery was on her stomach my heart just POUNDED. we never put are kids to sleep on there stomachs or sides. for naps or when they go to bed they are always on there backs......my husband had just checked on her(i know this cause i woke up too and i seen him near her crib) so when my sister told us this we were like WHAT!...feeling so confused. i think we were both just half awake but my husband jumped up off the couch and walked up to are baby girl my heart dropped i felt like it was going to pop right out of my chest. i seriously thought she might not be breathing and thought what would i do!...you know i have been reading these blogs about family's who have sick kids or who are grieving a child from kids who have drowned,  died from SIDS, or like i said from having health problems and its just crazy how my life could have changed just like there's in an instant she could have been gone no matter how cautious parents we are. but he picked her up and god i am so blessed, happy and relieved she was okay. we are just so thankful for my sister checking up on emery before she goes to sleep. I just think if she wouldn't of done that today would have been a different day. now i feel like im even more scared to go to sleep then ever. worried my little wiggle worm will turn over again.

Inspired!

Its September 10, 2011 and im feeling inspired by all the family's on this thing. I've read a few blogs about family's who have children with health problems and who are grieving a child. I want to thank them for being so open. In some way it helps me deal with the ups and downs and stress that i have been in lately. my daughter Emery has a heart defect. (HRHS,VSD,and ASD) she needs three heart surgerys before she turns 3 years of age.Ive known this since i was 4 months pregnant. she was born july 26,2011 and right away she had her first surgery on Aug.10th. which went very well and now is doing good at home.The second one needs to be when she is 5 to 6 months of age. the last one will be anytime before she turns 3. the past two weeks i have been feeling inspired by some of these family's that have opened up there lives to everyone, also for letting us join there emotional journey they are in. since these blogs have helped me i thought maybe i can help someone too with my story. so here i am ready to let anyone in on the ride. don't know what the outcome will be but all i know is this may be the best way for me to learn how to deal with my situation. from now on i will blog every feeling, thought.....good or bad on this thing. have to warn you guys not very good at spelling or writing  but i will try my best.